I gave up waxing at some point during my pregnancy and ever since the full bush has reigned supreme around here. Er, down there. But with our first EVER weekend away without Rei Baby, I thought it was about time I had a little tidy up, hoping it won’t turn out to be major re-landscaping. It started off with an awkward conversation with a young, pretty beautician who responded to my questions with a complete disregard for my discomfort.
ME: So, er, how long until I can use the region once it’s been waxed?
HER: What do you mean?
ME: (inside my head, screaming) What the fuck do you think I mean? I’ve just told you that I’m going away with my husband for the first time since my daughter was born! What the fuck do you think we’re going to do? Sit around and read poetry?
ME: (out loud in a polite voice) Oh you know, like, can I exercise?
HER: It’s best not to sweat for the first 24 hours.
But if this mortification wasn’t enough, I then had to ask about trimming the area.
ME: So should I be doing any prep work first?
HER: What do you mean?
ME: Well, I haven’t been waxed for a while, so it’s a bit long down there.
HER: How long?
ME: (dying on the inside). Oh, um… I’d probably say it’s a… How do you say? Um, full bush.
HER: Give it a trim first.
Honestly though, you’d think the embarrassment of this conversation alone would be enough to put me off. But no, I’m going along to have my pubes ripped out, all in the name of fun. Apparently. And let’s not forget those stray hairs that need to be plucked out, with your young, pretty beautician’s face hovering mere centimetres above your nether regions. Oh what fun!
How Full is Your Bush?
If you’re wondering about your bush, or maybe current bush trends, then you may be interested in the Full Bush Brazilian. What the what? A Full Bush Brazilian is the process of having your undercarriage stripped bare, while the top is allowed to flourish. Sounds like the perfect gift for the hipster in your life.
Theres also the bushy cut, triangle cut, heart cut, rectangle cut, toothpick cut, v-cut, Brazilian and a-la-natural full bush. Geez Louise! Seriously though, it’s your bush and whether you prefer to keep yours pruned, trimmed in to shape, wild and full or bare like a deciduous plant in the winter, it’s your choice. Fuck the trends I say!
I’m still not convinced having my pubic hairs ripped out by the roots is the best way to go, but it’s the way I’m going for now. After all, I HATE shaving and VEET smells like a bathroom of decaying flowers, don’t you think?